


Misc AUs

by misfiredamage



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: But long plot-heavy things end up abandoned, Gen, I can write short things with little to no plot, More character tags will be added as more quote-unquote chapters are, Much like with running I am a sprinter, which is to say
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2016-11-17
Updated: 2017-08-01
Packaged: 2018-08-31 14:42:59
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 11
Words: 5,803
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/8582383
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/misfiredamage/pseuds/misfiredamage
Summary: Just a collection of little vignettes from various Critrole AUs that have been sitting in my google docs for too long. I've never posted my writing anywhere that's not a group chat with my friends. I am terrified. Updates will be whenever I work up the courage to post things. Kind comments are always appreciated! And by that I mean please leave a comment please I'm desperate for attention.





	1. No Good Deed

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Warlock!Percy, heavily based on the song No Good Deed from Wicked. And by that I mean I lifted lines straight from the god damn song. Also kind of an Evil!Percy AU if you squint and turn your head. Ow the edge.

_You are not a good person, Percival. Good people don't leave their sisters to bleed out in the snow_.

He'd tried to help her, he'd tried, but the Briarwoods' men were getting close and he didn't want to go back to Ripley, **couldn't** go back to Ripley.

 ** _Trying_ ** _to do good doesn't mean you_ **_did_ ** _do good, Percival_.

His whole life had come crashing down. His family was dead. His home stolen from him. He'd been tortured and broken and then when he tried to do a good deed, to fix **something** , he'd failed.

Cassandra... **Cassandra**...

Just another disaster for the already generous supply to his name.

The smoke curled around his huddled form and the woods felt the slightest bit less cold.

The smoke offered him power.

“Enough," he whispered, looking up into the eyes of the being that was speaking to him. It chuckled, voice echoing and as dark as its form.

“So be it then," he said, louder this time.

The Pact was made. His heart hardened.

If Percy couldn't succeed at good, perhaps it was time to try being something else.

Something _wicked_.


	2. Something Poignant About Ravens

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Post-Apoc AU. It's a nuclear apocalypse but it's totally not Fallout you guys.  
> No, but like, seriously, it's not Fallout.  
> Oh yeah uh spoilers for the sunken tomb episodes or whatever.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still trying to figure out how things are formatted on this site please bear with me as I flail around and pretend like I know what I'm doing.

The wastes are treacherous.

Vax knows this. He's known ever since he and his sister got fed up with the whispers and sidelong glances and left the safety of their father's bunker when they were barely teenagers. They hadn't belonged in those lead-lined underground tunnels anyway. Their very existence tainted the sterile halls with the mark of the outside world, and their metal parts garnered only hatred or pity. Vax had told his sister that as long as they were together, they would be okay. They could survive the wasteland as long as they had each other.

It was _not_ going to end like this. He was not losing his sister here, in the bowels of a pre-war research facility, because of a stupid mistake made by a bunker-raised idiot.

Pike and Kashaw were a blur of activity around Vex as they put all of their medical training to use, trying to flush whatever toxin had been released when Percy had been stupid enough to open a safe without checking it first from her body. Vax just stared at the portrait of a woman that hung on a nearby wall, the features long faded into an expressionless mask.

“I thought your whole thing was to minimize suffering," he hissed at the ancient painting. “My sister is _dying_ because of something _here_ in your stupid lab. Give her back."

Vax had never been particularly religious. The so-called gods in the wasteland were just whispers of pre-war scientists, after all. But now, looking at this painting, Vax felt... Something. Something tugged at him, directing him to a certain drawer in a certain cabinet. He opened it and there was a vial with a note taped to it. _In case you forget to disable the security before going to do more work on experimental body armour_.

Vax could have kissed whatever researcher left this here for their colleague.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This AU is the wonderful brainchild of myself and my friend Max. They do all the science stuff for our AUs and I sit there with my brain made of oatmeal and write angst. You can talk to either of us if you want to find out about the frankly obscene amount of thought we put into this AU, we're both on tumblr, myself at misfiredamage and them at falchionhexing.


	3. Bel Canto

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Class Swap AU. I'm extremely disappointed that out of all the class swaps I've seen there has been no pretentious opera singing Bard!Percy so I took matters into my own hands. Has nothing to do with the fact that I'm a trained vocalist, nope.

Back straight. Breathe from the diaphragm. Play the starting note on the violin to ensure you aren't sharp or flat, and...

It's written for a countertenor, but easy enough to transpose down, and more religious than he'd like (religion is Scanlan's job, not his), but it does the trick. He holds the final note and the magic of Healing Word swirls around the hulking bear form Vex had taken on for this fight, wounds closing or scabbing over, and she roars her thanks across the battlefield as she barrels into the fray again.

There's a call for help and Vax is struggling to break the grapple an Orc has him in. Percy takes a breath and plays the starting note of another song, and sings again; a small section from an aria, lines recounting a triumph over a man holding the singer in a similar manner to how Vax is held now. Percy knows the Half-Elf won't understand the language, but the emotion behind his singing is always clear, and he watches the words give Vax the inspiration he needs to break free and slash at the Orc with his sword.

The shadows next to Percy shift and out of the corner of his eye he sees Keyleth drop out of stealth next to him, a bolt similar to the ones sticking out of some of the Orcs being loaded into her hand crossbow. Her daggers sit unused on her belt. Percy knows she only takes those out in truly desperate situations.

“How are you holding up?" She asks, offering a tiny respite from the heat of battle.

Percy gives her a tiny smile and nudges his glasses up the bridge of his nose with the back of his wrist, as both his hands are currently occupied with his violin and bow. “As well as I can be."

He notices a slight sag to the rogue's shoulders, a glaze of exhaustion threatening to cover her normally bright green eyes, and adjusts the grip on his bow to play a quick little pizzicato to inspire her to keep fighting.

An Orc turns its attention from Pike, apparently deciding the tiny, raging gnome is more trouble than she's worth, and charges for Percy and Keyleth. It's far away, though, and Keyleth manages to get three bolts in it before she fumbles while reloading and nearly drops her small quiver. Percy is just staring, eyes narrowed, at the rapidly approaching foe. He raises his bow and when the Orc is close enough...

The single, _horribly_ discordant note is unnaturally loud, and the Orc is thrown backwards by the Thunderwave that erupts from Percy's violin. It hits the ground and doesn't get up.

“What _was_ that?" Keyleth gasps once the sound has stopped echoing.

Percy thinks for a moment, head tilted slightly towards his shoulder. “If I had to guess," he says slowly, sarcastically, “it was me purposefully using incorrect bowing. Makes a terrible shrieking noise."

“Yeah! No kidding!" Keyleth almost laughs as she speaks, and it makes Percy smile. That she can retain such a sweet and almost innocent attitude despite all the shit the world has flung at her... It makes him happy.

With a little wave, she melts into the shadows again, and it's just Percy and his violin. He scans the battlefield, notices Tiberius is having trouble landing his blows, and raises his bow.

Back straight. Breathe from the diaphragm. Play the starting note on the violin to ensure you aren't sharp or flat, and...

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is another AU that my friend and I put probably too much thought into. We had a whole discussion about Percy having a room in Greyskull Keep to prepare catgut and repair his violin.


	4. D&D Can Also Stand For Drinks And Dancing

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Rave AU. Originally written as an intro for what was going to be a multi-chapter thing, but as I think we've established by now, I am very bad at plot-heavy things. I am working on something that's long and plot heavy but it's a collab.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm still salty about the fact that AO3 doesn't let you indent. Let me indulge my useless habits, damn it!

Percy woke up some time around midday if the bright - too bright - light was any indication. His head hurt. He didn't want to open his eyes, lest the sunlight burn them in their sockets, which he was at least ninety percent sure it would. Someone was cooking food - which meant he'd either crashed at a friend's apartment or he was about to spend breakfast (lunch?) desperately trying to remember someone's name - but he felt too nauseous to take any interest. Definitely hungover, maaaaybe still a tiny bit drunk.

Well. He supposed he'd have to get up sooner rather than later. If he _was_ home, his glasses should be on his nightstand, right about...

He rolled off the couch and hit the ground with a dull thud and whimpered expletive.

“Oh! He's up!" The soft voice that could only belong to one person reached his ears and he sighed in relief. Pike was _the_ person you wanted to take care of you if you had a bad hangover (or trip, as Percy not-so-fondly kind-of remembered).

“Alright, your highness, up you get," a gruffer, deeper voice said, and Percy was hauled to his feet by Pike's housemate and best friend. His glasses were shoved unceremoniously onto his face and he was steered to the kitchen table and pushed into a chair, and he immediately leaned down to rest his forehead against the tabletop.

“Pike," he whined, “I think I'm dead. You have to help me."

The woman's soft laughter reached his ears as a mug was pushed across the table towards him, the aroma wafting off of it indicating it was full of something he'd normally have to pay upwards of five dollars for. Eyes still mostly closed, he lifted his head and picked up the mug to take a sip of the (rather complicated, if he was being honest with himself) coffee. It was heaven. How Pike managed to perfectly recreate her friends' Starbucks orders he would never know, but then, she was _working_ there while in med school. He supposed that making needlessly convoluted drinks for hipsters all day gave one a knack for it.

“Don't drink all of that before you can take some painkillers," Pike scolded as Percy started to gulp down the glorious caffeine. “You need to be in working order later. Assum texted Vex, and she texted me, and apparently Uriel wants us all at the flagship club before opening for a shareholders meeting."

Percy glanced up to take the pill offered to him, silently noting that not only was it extra strength, it was one of those supposedly fast acting gel ones. He swallowed it, managing to keep down the wave of nausea that followed, before speaking. “Why a shareholders meeting?"

Pike opened her mouth to answer, but was cut off by her housemate.

“Some people with a club on the north end of the city wanna do a partnership," he said. “Uriel already said yes, but he wants the rest of us there while they discuss shit."

Percy nodded slowly as he took another sip of coffee, noticing with a small pang of sadness that the mug was nearly empty now. There were a lot of clubs in the city, this was probably nothing to worry about... A small voice in the back of his mind told him that wishful thinking was stupid and he should prepare for the worst.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I write most of my stuff from Percy's perspective because uh. I ID as him. So it's easy. Also I have never been hungover in my life so I had to consult a friend about what it felt like lmao


	5. Meddling In The Affairs Of A Wizard

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> I'm really not sure what to call this AU. It's not technically a role reversal, but... I guess it could be a "Heroes Become Villains" AU? With some role reversal thrown in for funsies. That's not quite accurate either, though... Well, whatever it is, it's terrible and edgy and grimdark. Percy and Cassandra swap roles with the Briarwoods and turn Whitestone into a steam/diesel/whaleoilpunk dystopia (I took a lot of inspiration from things like Bioshock and Dishonoured), the twins take over Syngorn and subjugate the Elven population (a la Dragon Age with some #edgy grimdark stuff thrown in), Keyleth gets possessed by a demon and fucks up the Ashari, Pike takes over Vasselheim with the help of a certain Goliath herd and enforces monotheism, Scanlan is a drunk pervy abusive asshole... Shit's fucked, you get the idea.

Despite how stealthy the group thought they'd been, the minute they stepped into the basement there was a burst of arcane energy and a bright light was suddenly trained on them. As they tried to shield their eyes from the glare, the cellar door slammed and locked behind them and a high pitched whine came over their earrings, which in turn faded out to be replaced by a smooth baritone voice.

“Lux Minima! How _wonderful_ to _finally_ be able to welcome you to my abode!" The voice purred in everyone's ear, “I only wish we could be meeting under, uh... _Happier_ circumstances."

Syldor readied an arrow, just in case, as the voice continued.

“Now, I'll be out of your hair in _just_ a moment, but _first_! We have some _business_ to attend to! And I'm nothing if not a shrewd businessman," the voice chuckled. “Seeing as you're in my house, I needn't introduce myself... But I will anyway. _I_ am Viscount Shaun Gilmore, one of the Arcane advisors to the de Rolo siblings. Do you like my charm toxin? I worked _very_ closely with Percival on that one, the _mind_ that boy has, honestly!"

“Shut up and get to the point," Kima growled, her grip on her hammer twisting impatiently.

“Oh, Kima," Gilmore laughed, “so _impatient_. I was just about to get to my point anyway. Now, as I'm... _Sure_ you know, there's a rebellion effort going on in this city," he chuckled lightly at his own joke. “It was recently brought to my attention that my assistants are _leaking information_ , which I _really_ can't have, I owe far too much to the de Rolos. But you see, not only do I _hate_ having to get my hands dirty, so to speak, it would break my heart to dispose of my assistants myself! And that's where you, you intrepid little group, you, come in."

“You want us to kill your assistants?" Kaylie asked.

“You got it in one, Kaylie," Gilmore purred. “And don't think you can lie and help them escape, either. The only way you can get out of this manor is if you place their hearts on a little display I've got set up."

“What if we just find and kill _you_ , though?" Kevdak snarled as he pulled out his axe.

Gilmore roared with laughter. “Oh, you _do_ live up to your reputation, don't you?" He gasped when he'd calmed down. “By the time I leave you to your task, I won't even be  _in_ Whitestone anymore! Anyone who can see which way the wind is blowing isn't going to stick around, I can tell you that much. No, I'm heading to a delightful little city, formerly Elven but now... Under new management, we'll say. I'm, ah... Very _close_ to one of the leaders there, so I'm getting out of _here_ while I still can."

Syldor shared a Look with Vilya, the implications of the man's words not lost on either of them.

“In any case!" Gilmore said, “I _really_ do have to be going, so I'll leave you to your task! I'm sure you can find my assistants if you look around for long enough. I'd recommend starting with Sherri, she's... She can be a tricky one. Oh, and do be careful, would you? I've a habit of leaving experiments lying around and I'd _hate_ for you to fall before you can finish this little errand for me."

The voice was replaced once more by the high pitched whine which crackled and faded out, leaving the group in silence.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Remember way back at the beginning of the thing where I said I took a lot of inspiration from stuff like Bioshock for dystopia Whitestone? Yeah my friend and I decided that when the adventuring group went to get rid of Gilmore as part of the leadup to the coup, it would basically be Fort Frolic. Also Vaxilmore makes my heart hurt.


	6. Scientifically Speaking, Alcohol IS A Solution

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Mob AU. Still a little unpolished because it literally came into being two days ago, but I've been having fun with it. Not my best writing, but I've been excited about this AU so I just threw this together quickly.

It had been a good year at least since the last time Percy had gone through one of his depressive episodes. But when Vax returned from a 'meeting' regarding 'property insurance', he found Percy in the darkened kitchen of the shared mansion, jacket flung on the counter, vest unbuttoned, tie loose, sleeves rolled up, eyes red from crying and hands clutching a half empty bottle of that ridiculous black vodka he liked.

“Hey."

Percy looked up at the sound of Vax's voice, scowling and lifting the bottle to pour more alcohol down his throat. Vax mentally ran through a list of what could have caused this...

“What happened?" He asked as he took the seat to the right of Percy at the kitchen island. “Did the deal go south?"

Percy laughed humourlessly. “Yes, I suppose you can say it did that," he said, and Vax was struck by how slurred his words sounded.

“You don't have to talk about it if you don't want to," Vax said while kind of hoping Percy would talk about it. His hopes were fulfilled when Percy sighed and took another swig of vodka before speaking.

“The deal was going well," he started, “up until the _merchandise_ was brought out. The buyer thought it prudent to insinuate I would sell subpar firearms."

“And that made you want to drink your goth alcohol straight from the bottle in a dark room again?" Vax asked, raising an eyebrow and getting a withering look in return.

“ _Obviously_ not," Percy scoffed before taking another drink, longer this time. “I did the standard 'I must have misheard you' et cetera et cetera spiel, offered to shoot him in the kneecaps to prove the guns were good quality..." He sighed.

“Then I made the mistake of asking who his boss was. I thought it an innocuous question. Remind him of his place."

Vax's brow furrowed when he noticed the tremble that had crept into Percy's voice. “And... Who _was_ he working for?"

Another humourless laugh. “It would seem my _biggest fan_ is back in town," Percy drawled, gesturing with the hand still clutching the bottle.

Oh no.

Oh _no_.

“Percival," Vax said slowly, reaching out to try and take the bottle. “If she _i_ _s_ back, you know that you can't solve things by drinking."

Percy gave a heavy sigh and tightened his grip. “Perhaps. But I can certainly try," he grumbled.

Vax watched as he stood up, swaying on his feet, and stumbled off to most likely the shooting range. He hadn't seen him like this since before they'd taken back his family's 'business', and honestly? It broke his heart. Something had to be done about this woman, this 'Anna'.

Not now, though. For now, he had to wash the blood off his knuckles and have his clothes sent for dry cleaning. Besides, it was nearly midnight. This could wait until... Well, not morning, Percy would be too hungover to function properly, but for now the vodka could be hidden and in a few days time they could draw up a plan to finally get rid of the good doctor once and for all.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Alt title: Percy, Stop Drinking Blavod Straight From The Bottle  
> Also it was my birthday yesterday (11/22), I'm nineteen now


	7. Smoke and Crystal

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> SO HOW BOUT THAT NEW SEASON OF LOLIROCK

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What... What am I even doing anymore

Percy stared at the twins, his mouth opening and closing wordlessly a few times as he tried to digest what they'd just told him.

“I beg your pardon?" He finally squeaked out. “It sounded  _very_ much like you've just said I'm a _lord_ from another _dimension_."

“Yes," the female twin, Vex'ahlia, she'd called herself, said with a smile. “Lord Percival, of Whitestone, in the realm of Exandria."

Percy glanced down at himself. His jeans frayed at the ends where his heels stepped on them, his shirt had some stains on it, he was in desperate need of either a patch job or a new jacket, and while his shoes were decent they were in need of cleaning. “Are you... Sure about that?"

“Positive," the male twin (Vax'ildan) said with a curt nod, then pointed between himself and his sister. “We're from Exandria, too. It's kind of a shit-show right now."

“So, why did you come to _find_ me, then?" Percy asked. The twins sighed and grimaced in unison, glancing at each other.

“See... That's the thing," Vax said. “We came to find you, _because_ of how shitty things are in Exandria."

“You're kind of the only one who can defeat an evil overlord who's taken over the realm?" Vex added, and Percy gave the pair a strange look, prompting another sigh from them.

“Okay, you know that lapel pin you've got there?" Vax gestured at said lapel pin, a circle flanked by two back-to-back crescents with four triangles spreading from the center, made of a brilliant blue stone with gold trim. “We've got things like that."

At that, Vex pointed to the feathered charm tucked behind her ear and Vax to the band around his upper arm.

“Fantastic. I'm glad you've got accessories you li-"

Percy's words were cut off when the twins both called out their names along with... Well, if they were telling the truth, what he assumed was their _kingdom_ of origin. Sin-something, it sounded like. Then there was a vibrant flash of light that he had to shield his eyes from and the twins had... Changed.

Their hair had gotten longer, to start with, and turned bright colours. Vex's braid, formerly _maybe_ a foot long and the same black as her brother's loose shoulder length half-ponytail, now hung to her knees in a brilliant shade of pastel blue, while Vax's hair reached his hips in a waterfall of shining indigo. Their clothes had changed, too, and their hair apparently was the base of a colour scheme for these outfits, because Vax looked ready to slip into the shadows at a moments notice, and Vex would be hard to pick out from the sky on a clear day.

“Your turn, darling," Vex said with a wink after a few moments had passed with Percy staring silently, mouth agape.

“I... What?" Her words sank in and he panicked. “No, no I can't do that, I'm not-"

“Percival," Vax interrupted, making Percy snap his mouth shut and whine quietly. “You _can_. Believe me. Just call out; 'Percival of Whitestone'."

Percy nodded, then took a deep breath. “Oh, I feel utterly ridiculous," he muttered before raising his voice to cry out, “Percival of Whitestone!"

Nothing happened for a few seconds.

Then his lapel pin flashed and he felt like he'd been lifted into the air. Everything around him disappeared, replaced by a swirling void of dark blue sparkles. His clothing melted away and his limbs seemed to move of their own accord, twisting and twirling in something almost like a dance as new clothing appeared on his body in flashes of blue light; tight black and dark grey vertical striped trousers, mid-calf boots, a plain white button-up shirt, brown fingerless gloves. A mauve cravat tied itself around his neck and tucked into a shining gold waistcoat as a long blue jacket with gold trim appeared on his body, the collar turned up. His hand pushed through his hair, the strands blowing in a sourceless wind, and the dark brown turned to a brilliant white. Finally, his lapel pin reappeared in a flash of that same bluish-white light, though now it was displayed proudly on his cravat.

Then the world around him suddenly went back to normal, and the twins stared at him with some of the biggest grins he'd ever seen.

“Alright," he squeaked when he remembered how to form sentences, “perhaps your theory does hold water."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Please excuse my shitty description of the transformation, I wrote this at like two in the morning after marathoning a chunk of the new Lolirock season


	8. Aesthetic

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Generic modern AU I guess??? Not a super complicated one.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Based on this post: http://fitzefitcher.tumblr.com/post/158093232764/aesthetic  
> which I read and was immediately like oh my god it's Percy and Keyleth

Keyleth stares at her appointment spreadsheet for the day, brows pulling together in confusion. What the hell kind of name is _Orthax_ for a pet? Okay, it sounds kind of like thorax, maybe it's a spider? But that doesn't make a _lick_ of sense, she doesn't look after spiders. So she spends the next several hours until her 2:30 appointment exceptionally puzzled and more than a little bit out of it trying to figure out what the hell kind of pet someone would name _Orthax_ , and more importantly, what that someone would look like.

The answer breezes into the clinic at 2:15 in a dark, _dark_ blue coat over a black three-piece suit with a matching tie and what look like custom fit black leather gloves. He puts a cat carrier on the counter when he checks in with the receptionist, so... Orthax is a cat, then? Keyleth tries to squint into the carrier, but she just can't see from her vantage point. For now, she'll just prepare herself for what's most likely a cat just as... Goth? Was that the word? As their owner.

Not that anyone can really _own_ animals, but that's a whole other _thing_ she's too busy to think about at the moment.

2:30 rolls around, and Keyleth washes up and heads into the consult room to find the man already there, coat folded neatly on the chair in the corner and cat carrier on the table.

“Hi!" She's determined to be just as friendly as usual, despite how curious she is about the patient. “I'm Keyleth." She almost extends her hand for a handshake, but thinks the better of it. Better not to introduce potential contaminants to the examination.

“Percival Fredrickstein von Musel Klossowski de Rolo III," he says, smiling sheepishly when she undoubtedly looks overwhelmed. “Percy is fine."

“Alright, nice to meet you, Percy," Keyleth chirps, then gestures at the cat carrier. “You wanna get the little guy out so I can have a look at him?"

Percy nods once and reaches to open the door of the carrier, and out hops...

A rabbit.

A sleek, black, Holland lop rabbit.

“The name... Wasn't my decision," Percy sighs when Keyleth looks surprised. “I sort of... Permanently borrowed, shall we say? Him from a... _Colleague_. The name was all her."

That sounds like a can of worms Keyleth wants no involvement in, so she just shoves aside her initial surprise and grins brightly. Orthax snuffles around the tabletop before deciding he'd be far more comfortable elsewhere, that elsewhere being as close to Percy as possible, which leads to the admittedly very silly sight of a very distinguished man (in a _three piece suit_ ) holding a bunny and smiling nervously.

“I'm... I'm very sorry about this," Percy says, seeming to be _mortified_ by his armful of bunny. “He won't leave me alone."

“Well, that's good," Keyleth offers. “Rabbits are prey animals, and if he's going to you in an unfamiliar environment, that means he feels safe with you. I mean, it's going to make giving him a once-over a bit harder, but I'm sure I can manage!"

Percy relaxes at her words and looks down at the rabbit with something almost like fondness. “That's good to hear. The woman I got him from was spoiling him rotten, and I didn't need to be a rabbit expert to know he was being treated _so_ well it had become unhealthy."

“Let me guess," Keyleth says with a smirk, “carrots for every meal?"

“And free rein in her house," Percy chuckles. Keyleth pales at the thought of the rabbit going somewhere he really shouldn't have and ending up horribly injured, or worse.

“Now, I'm not flying blind here," Percy adds once the silence stretches on a bit too long. “I've read up on rabbit care, and not just those pamphlets from a big chain pet store, I did actual proper _research_. I asked his former owner about vaccinations but she just shrugged, so I don't know where we stand on that. I honestly don't even know if he's been to the vet before."

Keyleth winces as she reaches out ( _slowly_ ) for the rabbit and gently takes him from Percy. He kicks his back feet and looks like he might panic, but she cradles him and pets his head and he calms down quickly enough. “Well, as far as I _know_ , I'm the only exotic vet within driving distance," she says, “and since he's not in our records, I'm going to say it's a safe bet that he hasn't been vaccinated yet."

“Yes, that's what I was afraid of. How soon can we get that done?" Percy sighs, and Keyleth smiles at how dedicated he is at treating this rabbit well.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Ha ha it's past midnight and I literally JUST wrote this and I'm sure it shows.


	9. Derived From A Latin Phrase Meaning "To Lie Upon/Beside"

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Okay this one's a little vague because it's literally five in the morning and also I'm trying to keep this stuff all like, T-rated or below, so I couldn't go into super detail but the idea is. Incubus/Succubus!de Rolos. I made a homebrew race where Incubi and Succubi (and whatever the gender neutral term would be) are the offspring of Fey and Demons for Lore Funsies so I kind of leaned into the Fey aspect for this.  
> Anyway the idea is that the ""gene"" for lack of a better term lay dormant in the de Rolo bloodline for ages and gets activated by extreme stress - in this case, being tortured by Ripley for Percy and the burden of running a city for Cassandra.

It used to be agreed, among the Human Nobles of Tal'dorei, that if you want pretty children, you marry a de Rolo. Their elegantly sculpted features and porcelain skin made others compare them to dolls, or more foolhardily, the Fey. Rumours circulated, as they do, as to the source of this unnatural beauty; everything from vampirism to Celestial blood had been speculated on.

Of course, this admiration and speculation is all in the past-tense. It's been centuries since the de Rolos have been anything but feared, ruling Whitestone from their castle while feeding on their own citizens. There are whispers of wings, of horns, of _tails_ , of honeyed words that don't just lead you to your death - they make you _want_ it, _beg_ for it.

It's been centuries, as well, since Kashaw (life made long by his Goddess) has been to Whitestone. He decides, upon returning and finding it strange, the air heavy with the malaise of fear ( _Such a lovely town_ , Vesh whispers in the back of his mind), that he should have stayed away.

He decides, upon reaching the castle and being greeted by Percy, who looks just the same as he always did, that he never wants to leave. Percy looks the same, but somehow _beautiful_ , his eyes wide and lips pink and pouted, skin impossibly smooth and clear.

“Kashaw," Percy says by way of welcome (his shadow stretches too long, doesn't match his appearance). “So wonderful to see you again. How long has it been?"

Hundreds of years. It's been hundreds of years. By rights, neither of them should be alive. This is not what Kashaw says in answer, though. Instead, he opens his mouth, and out comes, “Too long. I'd forgotten how... Good... You look..."

Percy laughs and Kashaw _swears_ he can hear it echo, but it may just be an effect of being outside. “You look well yourself," he purrs, taking Kashaw by the arm and leading him into the castle and calling out once they're inside. “Sister! We've a guest!"

Cassandra comes running into the entrance hall, hair flying behind her and hands clutching at her skirts to hold them out of her path. She grins, though it falters for just a _moment_ when she sees who the guest is. She, too, hasn't aged at all since Kashaw last saw her, though her hair is now completely white in a match to her brother's.

“Oh," she says. “Oh, yes, I remember you. You trained our militia, all those years ago."

Her voice is hypnotizing. Kashaw wants her to keep talking. Percy still holds his arm, and he's not sure he wants him to let go.

“You're... You're looking well," he tells her (she's looking _wrong_ , too young, too perfect, her shadow stretches like her brother's). She blushes and smiles at him and once again, he never wants to leave.

“You simply _must_ join us for dinner this evening," Percy says, and Kashaw can't bring himself to turn down the offer. _Idiot husband_ , Vesh whispers, _get out while you still can_ , but he pays her no mind. They are _beautiful_ , and they seem to think the same of him - why would he leave?

When he dines with them, the food is indescribable, the best he's ever eaten.

He never wants to leave.


	10. The Dewey Decimal System Doesn't Account For Ancient Scrolls

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> So I've been rewatching-slash-catching-up-with The Librarians (which you all should seriously watch) but I'm still in Critical Role hell, so I smacked my keyboard until this happened.

Here's how it starts: Percy is working in the library (library-with-a-lowercase-l, not library-with-an-uppercase-L) organizing the display by the front doors when a pair of twins come in and ask about a seminar that's being held later that week, and Percy feels deep in his bones the building beneath this one (so to speak) wake up and take notice of them - not the way it did when Tiberius showed up to apply for a job after the library (lowercase l again) in his town got shut down, but a way that feels like it's sighed in relief. Percy frowns when the two of them leave; in the five years he's been a Librarian and the three Tiberius has, neither of them has ever needed a Guardian, so why one for _both_ of them _now_?

About a month after the twins (“Vex'ahlia-and-Vax'ildan-but-you-can-call-us-Vex-and-Vax") start working at the Library, Tiberius is checking out music theory books for a short, garishly dressed man, and he feels the building wake up again. Later on, he goes down down down past the basement to the Library and asks out loud why they need another Guardian. The Library, as it is wont to do, does not answer, and the next day the man shows up again and introduces himself as Scanlan Shorthalt (“Your new Guardian, according to this white envelope", and they can't argue with a white envelope).

The five of them limp back into the library (lowercase) one day, minus at least a pint of blood between them but plus one orb used to contain an ancient demon, and the Library welcomes them as sheepishly as a building can manage. Making their way downstairs, they find out why - a tiny woman and a giant of a man sit at a table in the Library, chatting away with each other, their letters sitting on the table in front of them. The woman shoots out of her chair at the sight of them, immediately fussing over their wounds, while the man simply laments the fact that he hadn't been there to be a 'meat shield' for them, as he puts it. The woman tells them her name is Pike, and that she's a registered nurse as well as "pretty scrappy in a fight, if I do say so myself", and that the man just goes by 'Grog' and he's pretty much an MMA champ ("Aw, Pike." "Well, it's true!").

Their sixth (and hopefully final) Guardian shows up as a whirlwind of flowing skirts, red braids, and green eyes - a tall and slender woman who introduces herself as Keyleth and talks Percy's ear off while he checks out a large stack of books on gardening and paganism for her. The Library wakes up just before she leaves and Percy very nearly smashes his fist against the counter in frustration.

So that's how they end up; two Librarians and six Guardians, but more than that. Percy puts it well one day after a particularly _grueling_ search for some Dragon eggs: “Unfortunately, it seems we're something of a family now."


	11. Chapter 11

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> generic high school au feat some gay  
> no title this time because im Tired  
> theres more context to this but like, fuck it, this is the best part of that whole thing that i tried to write so  
> also tw for animal death (high school biology class dissections)

“So was your friend telling the truth when he said you'd asked him to do that drawing of me?"

Keyleth is caught off guard by the question and nearly drops her pen in her fetal pig. “I... What?" She squeaks, looking up from her work at Vex, who's abandoned her own dissection to come talk to her, apparently.

“That drawing of me, in your friend's sketchbook," Vex says, raising her eyebrows. “He got all flustered and said you'd asked him to draw it because you thought I was pretty."

“Oh." Keyleth blushes and looks away, anywhere but at Vex. “Uhm... Yes. I... I did ask him to draw that. You're... You're like, really pretty, and, I dunno, he's really good at realism, so I wanted to see if he could... Oh god it's so stupid..."

“Oh, no, no, it's not stupid at all!" Vex pulls off the required disposable gloves and reaches out to turn Keyleth to face her, smiling reassuringly. “I'm honestly flattered. And if you don't mind my saying, you're quite pretty, too." She winks, and Keyleth just knows her entire face is red.

“Ha... That's..." Keyleth smiles, utterly flustered. “I should... Get back to work on this," she stammers with a gesture at her pig, pulling a face at the prospect of continuing.

Vex doesn't leave. Instead, she perches on the lab counter and kicks her feet, watching Keyleth. “Do you want some help? I'm done with mine already."

“Oh, god, please," Keyleth sighs. She massively regrets her words, though, when Vex's help turns out to entail standing veryveryclose to her, her chin resting on Keyleth’s shoulder. Together (and despite Keyleth's distraction), they manage to finish up about fifteen minutes before the class ends, and Keyleth throws out her gloves and drops into her usual seat with a sigh of relief.

“We make a good team," Vex teases, hopping up to sit on Keyleth's desk. “Glad to be done with that?" She asks far more seriously, and Keyleth nods.

“Yeah. I'm not fond of cutting things up," she says, upper lip curling in disgust. “But I kind of have to, you know?"

“What do you mean?"

“Well, I want to go into veterinary science," Keyleth explains, “so... I gotta get used to cutting up animals, I guess."

“Well, I think that's very brave of you, darling," Vex murmurs. She smiles, and reaches out to tuck Keyleth's hair behind her ear. “Not many people are strong enough to go after what they want if it involves something that scares them."

Keyleth can't help the grin that spreads across her face, and for the rest of the day she feels like her chest is full of light.

**Author's Note:**

> If you hate this you can yell at me on my tumblr, misfiredamage. If you like this you can... I dunno, leave a comment? Have I mentioned I've never posted my work publicly before and I'm very very scared? Also, AO3 doesn't let you indent lines and that is bothering me.


End file.
